Throughout my life I have sporadically written posts to anyone who cared to read them. It seems as though I do this when I have a "down" season in my life. By that I simply mean when I have more time. Below I have posted some of my old long boring emails. Right now I don't really have a great deal of spare time on my hands, but I think that now is a good time to start updating everyone on what has happened in my life for the past few years. I love telling stories. This blog is going to be my outlet for telling stories. I am planning to start another blog sometime soon called calebs-commentaries. There I will be writing of my daily (maybe weekly) findings in scripture. I share stories with many of you who are reading right now. I have had many incredible experiences that I should write about, but I need you to remind me what they are. So here is your job right now. Please be so kind as to write something in the comment box that is a memory we share. I will then write up the story in the near future. Be sure to check back often for more entries. -over
4/23/09
Long Since Forgotten 1
EMAIL 1
Howday, have you ever wanted to write an email just cause, well for no reason at all? neither have i. im just bored and figured i would say hi to everyone. just in case you didnt already know, im not staying home anymore. i think im back to normal as far as health goes and i will be enjoying life outside of my living room. ive discovered several things you should not do while recovering from a mixillofacial surgery. sneazing....it hurts really bad. (not to mention you blow blood all over everything that is sitting in front of you) yawning. when your jaw is very limitted on how wide it can open and yawning requires a very open mouth, well...lets just say its not fun. also....someone should monitor you to make sure you do not watch shrek more than 5 times. after 5 your brain starts doing this little twitch thing that makes you relate everything around you to how shrek would see it. i would have been totally oblivious to this fact before i did it. i think it would have been really bad for me but i really only watched the movie 4 times when it was normal. the other 2 times i had the editors commentary on. another thing that can permanantly damage one of many peoples favorite pieces of furniture is the lack of a pillow case. i know lots of people get very attatched to their pillow. i like my pillow, or used to. right after my operation i came home and fell asleep for about 3 hours. i think it was three hours but i was kinda out of it so you could give or take a couple hours and it wouldnt be too far from the truth. i woke up with a big puddle of blood on my pillow and blanket and my clothes and it was kinda gross. i didnt feel like moving so i just went back to sleep. when i woke up it had crusted all over everything. then it was even more gross. when i pulled my face off of my pillow it was kinda stuck. i really wish i woulda had a pillow case. one thing that would help you, if you havnt already had to have your wisdom teeth removed, is to start practicing new eating habbits. it would benifit you alot to go ahead and learn how to use either your tongue or your thumb as your lower set of teeth. all you have to do is move your finger or tongue in an up and down mechanic motion under your upper two front teeth. it gets easy with practice. always try to keep food away from the areas of opperation. for instance, if you are eating yogurt, (first of all try getting the stuff without chunks of strawberry in it) try to keep and large particles of fruit from getting lodged between your swollen cheek and your very sore hole in your mouth. i think it would be so easy to be a hermit. after about 2 days of no human contact you kinda get used to being alone. you also start going a little crazy. but hey, have you ever met a hermit that wasnt a little bit twisted upstairs? me either. i think some people actually think they have reasons to be a hermit. i was trying to think of a reason the whole time i was trapped at my house. nothing came to me until i actually left my house today. i realized that there are lots of dumb people in this world. if you are around the wrong people to long you will be driven to insanity and therefore, in an effort to save themselves from years in a phsyc ward, people become hermits. personally i would rather be a troll because they get to live under bridges and have really cool hair. you are prolly already bored with this email but i will go on anyway. it wont hurt my feelings if you dont read it all. in fact there really isnt any way for me to know if you read it or not. no matter. its a pointless note spawned by the boredom deep within me. actually boredom is not the only thing prompting me to write this. i also just dont want to start my homework. i have quite a bit since i have been out of school for prolly the longest ive ever missed. i hate homework. its worse than having a waiter/waitress with a really bad cold that comes out with your drinks and you notice the ends of her fingers are actually in the fluid that you will be (or would be if you hadnt seen) drinking very soon. have you ever written something and forgot you wrote it. then like six months to 2 years later you find it on your hard drive? i found tons of stuff on my computer and it was weird. between reading my own matterial and being in the same two rooms for 5 days i got pretty weird. i started doing things like randomly getting urges to email people. who knows why i just did. so thats kinda what this whole thing is. i learned alot about myself this weekend. you learn alot about a person when you talk to them alot and i found myself talking to myself quite a bit. i think that is the first sign of lack of social life. im a people person...when im not around people i get annoyed and start either chatting on msn or reading/writing emails. but yes...i did learn alot about myself. i discovered that my right foot is still incredibly larger than my left. i found myself ignoring the shrek movie and totally concentrating on my foots massiveness. i like to talk to stars. most people would diagnose me as being extremely insecure for doing something that weird but what can i say...there werent any people around and i needed to talk. I had lots of time to pray. that was nice. i needed that. i was testing to see if i had epilepsy but i got bored and watched shrek again. i really enjoy those cheap little roller massage thingys. it is kinda hard to massage your own back though. i was creative and found that there are several ways to make it work. first is what i like to call the baloo. if you have ever seen the original jungle book im sure you will understand. there is a part in the jungle book where baloo is scratching his back on a palm tree. that inspired me. all you need for this is a roll of duct tape and a door (preferibly wooden). you tape the roller to the door adjacent to your lower back. then you lean against the roller and move your body up and down. although this is the most efficient method, it is embarrasing when you have someone watching you and you dont know it till they are totally convinced that you have lost your marbles. so i had to make a second attempt at a self made back massage. several years ago, my childhood was blessed with an extenda-arm thingy. its a cheap plastic toy that you hold and can use as a mechanical arm with a dual hook at the end for grabbing things. when you tighten your hand to a fist, the hooks close together around whatever is between them. this comes in handy. all you need to do for this one is hook the massage roller between the hooks and hold the handle behind your head. make sure that the roller ball is facing you for the best results. continue to make up and down movements until you are satisified or your arm is about to fall off. the main problems with this method is that your arm tires out way too fast and it is hard to put alot of pressure on your back. sometimes the roller will fall out of the hooks and you will have to start all over again. this is easily fixed with duck tape. what would this world be like without duck tape? it would be pretty sad let me tell ya. you would have to fix everything with paste. by the way, i discovered the other day that paste is made with flower and water. so...what exactly happens in our stomachs when we eat flower. is that like gluing our insides together. i sure hope not cause all those times that i thought i was eating pure sugar and it was really flower might have a detrimental affect on my future plans....living. well...come to think of it i dont think ive ever eaten pure flower. i dont think ive ever even eaten pure sugar except that one time at convention several years ago when jason and i had a contest to see who could eat the most sugar packets without throwing up. we never really got to finish that contest. we both got in trouble. it was dumb. i think i coulda downed another 10 or 12 before totally loosing it. jason didnt look to good though. so i think i coulda won. dont you hate that....your about to win and you are forced to quit. so annoying. well....this has been a long long boring email from me that is pointless. if you read this whole thing i commend you. your either really bored or a speed reader. thanks for listening. later. -me
ps. i would just like to say thank you to all of the people that came to visit me while i was under "house arrest." without you, i would prolly have gone totally insane instead of just half insane
Long Since Forgotten 2
EMAIL 2
Howday,
once again i find myself extremely tired but unable to sleep. i dont know what normal people do when this happens but i, not being a normal person, write long pointless emails. one of my very best friends in the whole world wrote me an email the other day that helped me learn a few valuable lessons. the main thing that i learned was that periods are a very important eliment in writing. the email he sent me was prolly equal to about 6 pages and there werent any periods. it got sorta confusing. so...even though i dont use much punctuation, i will use periods and an occasional comma. i need to kinda start off by saying that if you dont read all the way through this email...i wont be hurt at all. its really kinda pointless so i wouldnt be suprised if no one ever finishes it. for all of you that dont already know, radial angel is going to be at the coffee house on november 28 and you have to be there. they are amazing. if there is any possible way for you to be there, then be there. you wont regret it. regret....wow. just saying that word throws alot of ideas into my head. have you ever almost regretted doing something but you got a tiny something good out of the deal so you didnt? i seem to be feeling that alot lately. i went to convention with my church again this year and, although it was great for some people, i almost regret going. the teachings were very well done but they were also extremely elementary. basically God just got done dealing with me on all the issues that the speaker talked about. i would just like to say that herbert cooper is a great speaker. i dont know for sure what was worse; when the kansas youth leader stood up and asked for the offering, or when i (already being sickly) woke up blanketless next to a very large fully opened window. (thank you to my friends which i will keep annonymous) there were definately some good things that happened to me though. first off....i discovered the best way to save money on a trip like that. basically it goes a little something like this....when your group gets done with the first service at sometime around 930 pm, you go eat. we went to an ihop. usually there are several other youth groups there. you have to start out by claiming your seat by that is surrounded by girls. (this will be a concept that works for boys and girls...im not just trying to be a player) then you order your drink. excuse yourself from the table so you can go mingle with the other youth groups that have already been there for quite some time. this means that they are just getting their food. be sure to talk a little about how you cant wait for your food along with other small talk. if you make them laugh then you are more likely to pull this off than if you just make some chit chat. go back to your table and drink your whole cup of...well for me it was sprite...but for all of those people who are dedicated to their athletic functions water. talk to your group some so they know that you dont hate them. ask the waitress for another drink then go back to the other tables. by this time the other youth groups are usually finishing their food. they always have leftovers hehehe. well...make sure that you keep staring at their finished food (that usually has more than half of the meal left on the plate) and you are sure to be offered some of it. just doing this much of the procedure gained me i platter of hardly touched french fries, 4 chocolate chip pancakes, half a salad, and several other small articles of peoples food. i felt kinda bad for bumming off of those people so i paid their tip. i think that the feeling bad part will prolly wear off as i continue to work on my theory. after you eat all of the other groups food, go back to your table. by this time your table should have their food. you didnt order anything but thats ok. if you are sitting by alot of girls, odds are they wont finish their food. so....in my case i had 4 girls around me that didnt want to finish their food. do they not understand that their are starving people in china? what better way to save the world from hunger than giving it to the starving person across the table? well..by the end of your meal you are usually quite full and you have already saved quite a bit of money. you just have to pay for a drink and for a few peoples tip. not a bad deal at all for all the variety you get. {for those of you that take my words to heart....NEVER EVER EVER eat alot of chocolate chip pancakes and lots of chicken strips.....it doesnt mix too well in your stomach} well...thats the first lesson i learned. now on to the second. i learned that people that have a job that has a duel name of their "what do you do form" can be very annoying. for example, people who serve as a mantenance man/security guard seem to be very grouchy sometimes. our youth group got 5 rooms for 70 dollars apiece. i cant add but i think thats alot of money. well we are sitting outside of our own room talking and this guy gets pretty angry. there were actually two of them but one was really scrawny so he doesnt really count as anything. well...we werent even the loud youth group but they didnt like us. there were prolly 50 rooms full of people for this convention but ours got the brunt of all of their annoyingness. basically the guys made us stay in our rooms, which isnt too bad i dont suppose. but then when we are barely talking (actually i was trying to sleep and some other people were talking) and the guy bangs on our door and says that he can hear us in the hall so we have to calm down its pretty not cool. he kept saying things like "this is your last warning" and "if you dont quiet down im gunna go find your pastor." good thing for us he was talking to our youth pastor. yeah. he was really grouchy. i dont know what was wrong with him. he needs Jesus. maybe then he would be a little less grouchy. well...i dont want to think about that because i will get angry. i turn into the hulk when i get mad. im not green though. im kinda the same color as silly putty. ive never destroyed a major city yet either, but hey, there is always a future. well...lets move on to the third thing i learned. never sleep next to an open window when its like 20 degrees outside. blankets help you when you are in extreme conditions like that but....well...some of my friends apparently needed them more than i did cause they borrowed them from me while i was sleeping. falling out of the window would be bad too but i think i would rather be dead than have this annoying throat cold stuff. the next thing that i learned is that i look like a beggar. while i was at the mall in witchita on the way home i was waiting outside the bathrooms for a couple of my friends. well.. i was sitting there all alone and holding my hat. before i knew what had happened a man walked by and threw 16 cents into my hat. i was kinda stunned for a few secconds but then i eventually got around to saying thank you. im not sure if he heard me or not. im sure that would be a great part time job. i guess if i look the part why not play it. that kinda leads me into the last thing that i learned. i decided while we were in the mall that i would spend the last 30 minutes seeing how many job applications i could pick up. i dont know what made me want to do this but i had fun. while i was at gap asking for an application, the lady sincerely wanted to hire me. she was freaking out cause the christmas rush is just starting i guess. it was kinda strange. most of the other people didnt care if i worked at their store or not. well...i guess i just learned that if i ever want a job other than begging i will go to gap. are you still reading this email? wow im proud of you. well...im not sure how much more i will write but im gunna keep going cause im bored and i dont want to start my homework. i think i will talk about today. it all started with me waking up late. i dont know what is wrong with me but nothing makes sense to me in the mornings. i cant read anything in the mornings....not even clocks. so...i was about 33 minutes late to church. i felt really bad but i know that God still loves me. after church i went home and had some family bonding time. then i went to mollys house for a little bit. then i went to justins house. ya see....my class wrote this drama for our school program. we are performing in 5 days and i dont know my lines at all. see...i was sick the day that they wrote the script down and i dont have a copy. so i went to justins house to learn the script with him but i fell asleep. by the time i woke up, it was already time to go to aubreys suprise bday party. that was fun i guess. i was really tired through the whole thing though. ive been kinda sickly recently and i think that i need to sleep for about 5 days. that would be really nice. are you still reading this? man you must not have a life or you must really love me or something. you know how they say you dont know what you have till you lose it? well....that is soo true. there are lots of things that i take for granted in this life. im just gunna list some of the things that i cant imagine going without. 1 carbonated drinks. as soon as basketball season hits coaches always say not to drink any soda. well....i think i must be addicted because i cant stop. how sad is that. i must be a major loser. im gunna be the worst person on our team. 2 socks with holes in them. you know....i was at a friends house recently and one of my friends siblings had a hole in his sock so my friend told him just to throw that pair of socks away. i dont know if anyone else thinks like this but i love my holy socks. they are the best when they just have three holes. one by the ball of your foot, one on the heel (which is usually the biggest) and one on the big toe. the problem with having one on the big toe is that it tends to grow the fastest and will eventually uncover all of your toes. this is rather uncomfortable. so sometimes it is better just to have two holes. (heel and ball) 3 kleenexs (im not quite sure how to spell the plural form of kleenex) can you imagine a world where everyone just went around picking their nose? i mean...sometimes when you pull up next to someone at a stoplight and they are picking their nose that is tolerable because they are 7 feet away from you and you prolly wont ever shake that persons hand. but what if the whole world would always just pick their nose or blow their nose on their clothes? ahh! talk about even more of a reason to have a personal bubble. 4 mood rings. there are people in this world that have daily emotional tennis matches. if you end up being the ball it can kinda make you end up more confused than you ever have been before. sadly enough mood rings arent being worn as much as they used to. its always nice to know what someone is feeling. like if im talking to someone i can just look at their mood ring to see if they want me to leave or if they hate me or if i should leave cause they are trying to hook up with me or if they dont really care if im there or not. this is always a good thing to know. i miss the 80s (even though i only lived 3and a half years in them) because lots more people wore mood rings. 5 brakes. can you imagine what would happen if your car didnt have brakes? ok think of it this way. i bet if none of the cars in chanute had brakes on haloween, 1 of 2 things are bound to happen. 1 the number of children attending middle schools will drop drastically (along with our population) or 2 lots of people would have lock ins. yes i am definately thankful for brakes 6 music. actually...you should be more thankful than i should for music. if i didnt have music then i would prolly start sining alot and none of you want to hear that so....yeah....be thankful that my longing for music is appeased...for now. wow...it didnt hit me till just now that its almost thanksgiving and thats exactly what im doing. what a coincidence. well....if you read this whole thing i am sorry. im sure that you would be much happier with your former, higher iq. as great as this little session has been....its definately time for me to stop procrastinating and do my homework. later -me
Long Since Forgotten 3
EMAIL 3
guess what....its already time for my next email that i send out of complete boredom. you might already have noticed my change of font. my older sister told me that it was hard to read all the small little lines and laura golay told me that reading my long emails makes her dizzy. so....for the sake of your eyesight i have changed my font to twice the size it was. i want to start off by saying that i hate being sick. it is really really annoying. i dont think ive been really healthy since i got my wisdom teeth removed. ironically enough thats when this crazy boredom email thing all started. who knows...maybe when i get healthy enough you guys wont get so much junk mail. i dont know how long that will take though. this week has been really bad. i went through a whole bag of cough drops today. well... i suppose that i didnt do it by myself. see the way things work at cca are never quite normal. they seem to think that cough drops are somekind of an addictive medication that you can easily overdose on because they wont let you carry them. you are supposed to turn them into the office and then go down to the office whenever you need one so they can mark it down and so on. its pretty dumb. i mean...these are cough drops not zymain. so...i suppose i am a rebel cause i just always carry them around in my bag. but because of that rule it means that no one else has any cough drops....so they begin to believe in socialized medicine. basically i cant say no. and people are coughing like crazy (i think my class is diseased) so they ask for cough drops. basically we share what we get in our class. that is one of the advantages to only having 6 people in your grade. i think i did one of the most disgusting things ive ever done in my life tonight. it was horrible. see my little brother luke has a runny nose. and luke likes to use alot of kleenexes (once again im not sure how to say the plural form of kleenex) most people blow their nose then fold the kleenex over and find a clean place on the kleenex and blow again. but luke just blows his nose once and then puts it down and gets another one. well....he doesnt throw them away and really quickly there is a big huge pile of barely used kleenexes. he just leaves them there and its really sick. well....like 30 minutes ago i was sitting at the computer and to my left was a big pile of barely used kleenexes. He was already in bed and it was gross so i decided to go throw them away. well...i also picked up a kleenex for my own nose since it was all runny. well...somehow my kleenex got mixed up with one of lukes barely used kleenexes. so when i put the kleenex to my face....luke snot went all over my upper lip. it was disgusting.....(shivers just went up and down my spine when i typed that so yes i am going to change the subject now. over the last week or so i have been rediscovering an old habit of mine……candles. i think in my younger years i was an extreme pyro. i think im prolly still somewhat of a pyro because of my love for burning candles. i cant just light a candle and leave it though. i have to sit there and play with it. i have to mold the wax so it will melt faster and so on. just the other night i went out and bought a couple candles. they didn’t last me too long. when i came home i started making some phone calls. my phone calls are never short ones cause i can talk longer than my mother….which if you know my mom that is a big deal. so while i was on the phone i was burning my candles and messing with them. see…i bought one of the big candles with four wicks and a small layered candle. i lit all of the wicks on the big candle and then took the smaller layered one, turned it upside down, and placed it about 2 inches about the four flames. i didn’t do that for too long though. just until it looked cool enough to sit there by itself while i played with the big candle. i finished the layered one off that night. the big one is still sitting on my dresser waiting for a phone call situation. by finished i don’t mean that it doesn’t have anymore wax to burn. i just mean that it looks too cool for me to burn it anymore. i could actually care less what a candle smells like….most of the time at least. but it has to look cool. i suppose you could make a good prank out of that. give someone a puke scented candle for their bday or something . that would be pretty twisted. one of my very best friends in the world and i were talking today and we came across a very interesting subject. bouncy balls. those were like…the greatest toys of all time. there is no counting how many i lost but they were still the awesomest ever. (awesomest is not a real word by the way) actually a lot of the time i wouldn’t lose them. see…ive always had this problem. i like to chew on things. anything. pens, straws, erasers, books, wads of tape, and my parents tell me that when i was small even my own feet. well….alot of times bouncy balls also ended up in my mouth. they just looked so…chewy i guess. (actually bouncy balls taste really bad and i would definitely advise you not to ever bit into one. but what exactly was the point of a bouncy ball. was there ever a real purpose. i cant really think of one. they were just cool because you could take one into the kitchen and throw it as hard as you possibly could and your kitchen would turn into its own pinball game. it was pretty nifty. if bouncy balls were all the sudden recalled for being toxic and bad for childrens health and they would pay you four hundred dollars for each one you returned one of two things would happen. (of course if they were toxic i would already be dead) i would either invent a metal detector type machine that could find the millions of bouncy balls that i lost in my yard and make tons of money off of it or i would be really mad at myself and go along with my plans to be poor for the rest of my life. i am eating beef jerky right now. i really like it. if you don’t like beef jerky then you must not have taste buds….yes….you know im talking to you….but i will keep your name anonymous. i actually heard how beef jerky originated the other day. im not sure if its true or not so don’t quote me but check this out. someone told me that beef jerky was invented by those guys that did the big cattle drives that basically put
Long Forgotten 4
MAIL 4
Howday, Have you ever gone to bed just so you could sleep but you end up never getting there? like…you go to your room and lay down and you just lay there thinking for hours. you think about life. about the way things are. about the way you wish they could be. about how things never turn out like you wish they would. you tell yourself hundreds of times that you are going to stop thinking but…well that just makes you think about things more. i am having one of those nights so i decided to go ahead and do one of the only things that i can to stop thinking….spill my guts on my computer screen and send it to people. it actually works. usually by the time i am done writing my long boring emails i can go to sleep. my sister told me another thing that would help you readers in your long quest to read my entire email. she said i should start using separate paragraphs. where does she come up with this stuff? she is definitely a genius. so here we go…you ready?
wow. that wasn’t so hard. i just want to start off by saying that i found a reason to be proud that i live in
ahh look at that. another new paragraph. it is kinda weird that my sister lives in
Christmas is coming. i realized that when i saw the house that always puts like a bazillion dollars into decorations had already put up her red and green lights and reindeer and santa stuff. i think i already have all im gunna get for Christmas. my parents gave mea laptop computer. its really cool and im happy. there is only really one thing i want for Christmas but i prolly wont get it so im not even gunna say anything. i know that this is a short boring email but i guess i just don’t feel like telling my computer about my life right now. maybe someday, someone else will write a book about me so you don’t have to read about my life from my perspective. well…i need sleep. later -me
Long Forgotten 6
EMAIL 6
hello there,
well it goes kinda like this. its just about 2 and im half way through lord of the rings two towers extended edition. im not sure if i want to go on to the next disc or if i just want to go to bed. so since i seem to be a pasifist i decided to do neither right now. you know, i didnt used to think that my family had any traditions. well.....today (thanksgiving) i stayed at my house all day. i never do that. it was a serious culture shock. my world was shattered when i realized that i do in fact have family traditions. they go something like this at thanksgiving. i wake up at
-me
ps. i did write an email about "you have pretty eyes" and "the bug only thinks its ok" but my mouse has a back button on it and i accidentally clicked it instead of the right button while the cursor was on the send button and yes....it sent me back to my inbox. all that typing down the drain. i wasnt happy. so instead of writing it again i just decided to let the computer win. ill let it think that it has me pinned...then ill write it on a different computer. its all good. youll get your stories sometime.
Long Forgotten 7
EMAIL 7
Howday,
this television broadcast is being brought to you by me and a much more interesting friend of mine brock barber. he is staying at my house so i decided to put him through the rituals of becoming a long boring email writer. he passed all the preliminaries so we are ready for his field training.
i have decided to start off this email on my own and have my apprentice gradually join me. actually he is busy emailing strong-bad on my other computer so i thought i would go ahead and tell you all a story. i would tell you to close your eyes so you can imagine it better but if you do that you cant read it. so forget that. just imagine that you are a cartoon or a saved by the bell character and you are thinking about something that happened in the past and you hear that harp sound and the screen starts to do the ripple effect......
it all started about three summers ago. my friends nathan and derik decided to go to camp with me. it was one of the best/worst experiences of my life. best in the aspect that i really got to know my youth pastor, juan esparza (he was our counselor) and it was prolly the only time in the history and future of my life that i could beat derik in bball. (that is actually because i almost broke his back so no im not good) it was bad for several reasons........(cue the harp music again...it soothes me)
first....i swear that there were two kids in my room that were sent to a correctional facility and somehow went to the wrong camp. instead of boot camp they ended up in my cabin. there were two of them....it would have been ok in a single dose but two? no. it just didnt work. nathan and derik eventually left to live in another cabin while i, well i stayed with juan and the phsycos. it was definately an experience.
the second main reason it was bad.....is everyone got hurt. it all started with juan. he thought that he could outrun all of us. duh....no....he was like 8 years older and we had derik to beat him. so we were racing to some place of no consequence and juan stepped in a hole and twisted his ankle. and he got hurt pretty bad. couldnt walk. it was annoying. then i jumped on deriks back in a moment of mental commercial and i think i about killed him. it really stunk. eventually everyone hurt at least a little.
the third and main reason that it was bad is because i had prolly 30 girls tell me i had pretty eyes. that is no exageration. i was an inocent little kid getting hit on by all these slutty inner city kids. i felt disgusting. i hated it. juan thought this was hilarious so he always complemented my eyes around the girls and then they would go off about them. yes that was disturbing.
well...this whole pretty eye thing started a title wave of annoying sayings about my eyes. it really annoyed me. see my eyes change color and i think it makes people notice them. well....i told my friend devon herron about this camp thing and he didnt really believe me i dont think. then we went to
well that brings me to my latest story. not too long ago i went to the renaissance festival with aubrey and libby and jessica. well they decided that it would be funny if i took a picture with a drag queen. ugh. that was twisted. im not going to lower myself into describing what he did to me in this email. if your really want to know you can ask libby or jessica or aubrey. im sure they would like to tell you. but dont ask me cause i dont want to tell anyone. i want to forget. but he did say one thing that really stick out to me. "you have pretty eyes" GRRRRRRRR. how i hate that line.
see i am a very weird person. i feel happier when i listen to depressing music and i feel annoyed when people complement me. irony...i hear its good for the blood.
alrighty then, now that my long story is out of the way we can get down to....well...the end of thanksgiving break. is that called breaking? brock would like to start off by saying how beautiful he is. he is still single and well....he is definately a good looker.....if he lived in the 16th century. brock fell in love with chanute. dont think...let me explain. he comes from a town (la cynge) that has no underground movie club and no subway. la cynge has around 2000 people in it. it is a really cool place i think. my gramma lives there so sometimes i just go up there and crash for a weekend. its great. but it can run out of entertainment. so can chanute but not as quickly. brock says that la cynge is the hick capital of
well now that we are done expressing our feelings about hick-hood, we will move on to a more enjoyable topic. music.i would like to start out by saying that radial angel is absolutely amazing. you should go see them on december 12 in
due to the fact that you prolly stopped reading this email an hour ago....and you are just now waking up....go ahead wipe the sleep out of your eyes then keep going. just remember that everything that is said in these emails is written when we have been sleep deprived. so anything that we say can and will be held against us in a court of law. so basically dont take anything we say too seriously. if your family likes to sit on broken rockers on their cinder block porch its cool. we wont judge ya. i just dont think its for me. if ya know what i mean. so brock and i are sitting here wondering what to say. right now i just think that you all should be thanking God that somebody was smart enought to create a backspace button so i could fix all of my misspelled words. otherwise you would prolly be even more clueless about what im talking about than you already are.
for the dynamic duo (me and brock) gnight and God bless your eyesight
later -us
all rights of the long boring emails are preserved by the
Long Forgotten 8
Long boring email 8
Howday,
well its been awhile since my last long boring email so i figured i would write a new one while i had time that i wasn’t busy wasting on something even less important. there have been so many things that have happened since the last one that ive already forgotten most of the cool stuff. all i remember now are things that traumatized me. so here goes….
first of all….you need to know that i have a problem with singing with groups of people. i can do quite fine on my own but when other people sing with me it makes them sound really good and me sound…well….lets just say that people start bleeding out their ears and dogs start howling and babies start crying and its just a mess. well….you also need to know that i havnt been in a choir class since the fourth grade. the choir teacher is…wow….lets just take a new paragraph to describe her.
miss Gordon. when you look at her you would never expect anything but a sweet old lady. she is prolly 50 something and about 4 foot 11. she prolly weighs less than my little brother and i swear she wears a wig. the only reason i think she wears a wig is that her hair hasn’t changed since i was in first grade. its always the same. trust me i just looked her up in the yearbook from my first grade year. shes perpetually unchanging. well…she is a nice ol lady sometimes. but when you want something that she doesn’t want wow. try your best to avoid her. she doesn’t get mad and scream at you or anything. she just has this way of getting everyone to do things they don’t want to do. for instance…this is the kind of conversation she used to have with me. “caleb don’t you want to be part of the Christmas program?” nope not really “we would love to have you be a part of it this year. we have a part picked out for you and everything” nope don’t wanna do it “well ill talk to you again tomorrow” i wont do it then either. then the next day rolls around. “caleb im so glad you decided to join us in the program!” i didn’t “well your mother told me on the phone last night that she would love to see you in it this year.” GRRRR. how can she do that to me every time? yup that’s miss Gordon. ive been known to hide under the computer desks at school for 20 minutes at a time when she comes to recruit people.
well… i havnt done anything for her in quite some time. well….they needed drivers cause they were gunna go Christmas caroling at nursing homes…and well….it would get me out of school so i went. i just stood there and held the boom box. it was kinda funny. then i got chewed out by an old guy who obviously wanted me to sing…..so i did. i bet he regretted ever opening his mouth. so i kept singing. then we switched nursing homes and i kept singing. then this really old santa clause came in. he started cracking racial jokes to a black guy. i felt sorry for the black guy till i realized that he couldn’t hear them well enough to understand them. that was my experience with singing. at least i was singing to people that couldn’t hear me very well. anyone elses heads would have blown up.
you would think that in a town this size that everyone would know everything about everyone. but nope. just the other day i realized that i was missing out on a contest that our school is having. im guessing that its called the “who can wear the same shirt the most times in one school year” contest. im still not sure if it is a real contest but if it is there is a kid in my school that has already clinched the title and its not even Christmas. he always wears this pink shirt with a giant m&m that’s waving at you. he must wear it 2 or 3 times a week. its funny. i ask him if he is wearing it all the time now and he blushes and says no. its kinda funny. he will say no even if he is wearing it under his sweaters.
the other day i got a book that i had ordered like 3 months ago. im really glad. its called persecution by david limbaugh. great book. it was backordered forever. well…because it was backordered for so long they decided to send me a free cd. its called a
i just want to say to everyone out there that i hate the ACT test. i had to get up at 6 in the morning to try to figure out for an hour if it was cancelled. it wasn’t. so my zombie body dragged itself down there. i didn’t take a calculator so i kinda guessed on most of the math. i got done in 30 minutes and its an hour long test. so i got a nap. that was nice. but yes it was obnoxious. but it does prove something. someone who is totally brain dead can fill in circles. (not saying that im always brain dead….just in the mornings)
well…right after the act test, there were about 12 girls at my house for a tea party. yuck..i hate tea. so when i came home later my house smelled of tea and girl. ugh. lets just say my day had nowhere to go but up. and it did. i hung out with one of my ol buddies robby thomen all day. it was nice. we got to sit around and talk about the worst year of our lives….fourth grade. we had an evil teacher. ugh…she was sooo annoying. so…we went to justin house and watched some movies and talked more about the evil woman that can only be described as the second worst thing that happened in all of history right behind the crucifixion. there was something that dawned on me while we were talking bout her. she has kids. wow….i pity them.
today was kinda weird. there weren’t many people around. miss libby and i went sledding after about 4 hours of trying to round people up. we ended up being the only two going. it was fun. my sled didn’t work too well though. i ended up trying to snow board on it. i bit the snow several times. but at least it was fun. i need to go sledding more often. in fact i decided to go again. so i went to kaylas house to call people and stuff. but we ended up just staying there and watching x-men. i seriously think im a mutant. i mean…my eyes change color…i break out in hives when my skin comes into contact with certain yellow dyes…..and i don’t sleep. there was a kid on the movie that has that as part of his mutation. he doesn’t sleep. hmmmm.
well this email is really long and you prolly didn’t enjoy it anyway so im gunna stop writing now. you have a great day or evening or whatever the heck time it is when you read this. later -me
Long Forgotten 9
Long boring email 9
howday there,
wow...its been a good christmas break. it went by fast. but i liked it. its been really weird though. im praying that it snows so we wont have to go back tomorrow morning to that prison known as school. this christmas was far different from any other christmas ive ever had. there are lots of reasons but the main one is that i didnt leave my house almost at all. yes it is me i promise. trust me. i tested it out. i thought maybe somebody stole the real me and i was just a simulated me inside my body. but nope. i still knew all of my inside jokes so there was no way im a robot brain. but today someone did call me a brainhole. interesting choice of words to say the least. i wasnt quite sure if i was supposed to feel good or bad about it. There are so many reasons to love and/or hate Christmas time. Ill start of by saying what I hate about it. I hate going to see relatives that I don’t know at all and they don’t wanna know me. You know the ones. Where they treat you like you are 4 or yell at you for being a bum and not moving out of your parents house years ago…even though you are just a junior in high school. I didn’t have many family things like that this year. Just 1. it wasn’t even too bad this time. Not perfect but not bad. Another thing that I really hate about Christmas time is how wal mart is always so full. I used to only go to wal mart really late. Like 3. that’s when the only people there are me the cashier and the guy who cleans the floors. Well…since they started selling chicken….i have to go to wal mart between
later -me
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